POSITIONING YOURSELF FOR MARRIAGE

There are more single families headed by Black women than married two-parent African-American households. The declining marriage rates among African Americans have hit women the hardest.  Yes, there are African-American women getting married every year, but there is an even larger number who do not. Why is that?

Years ago in this country, the brand of womanhood was higher. Black women added value to a man’s life, and he knew it. She was the soul of the family and community. She was viewed as a prize. Today, the brand of Black women has been devalued, especially in the Black community. 

Today, Black women are viewed as whores and gold diggers; women who can’t add value to a man’s life.  Black women are viewed as negative with bad attitudes and baggage, and are emotionally unavailable. If that’s the perception of Black women, why would Black men want to be with women with these labels attached to them?

The blame for these negative perceptions of Black women could be placed solely on the media, but that would be too easy. To understand these unfair perceptions and labeling, we need to look at ourselves. Let’s face it, the generation before didn't do a good job teaching, talking, correcting and modeling. Previous generation of Black women at some point stopped teaching, talking, correcting and modeling positive behavior for younger generations. They stopped teaching and modeling what it means to be a lady and correcting behaviors that didn't positively represent the core value of who Black women are and what they stood for. Something got lost in translation.

Today’s generation of young girls, the way they talk and the things they do are further diminishing the image of Black women. But who is correcting them? This generation of teenage girls are not being talked to; behaviors are not being corrected, and what it means to be a young lady is not being positively modeled to them.

Despite negative perceptions of Black women, ladies, you don’t have to allow it to define you. Create the life and the image you want. Position yourself today for the life you want to have. Don’t add to the devaluing of Black women. Be someone who is positive with a healthy self esteem; someone who values family, community and God. Be someone who is emotionally available and will add value to the lives of others. Black women in their twenties and early thirties want to marry and commit at a time when black men their age are playing the field.  

There are many reasons Black men choose not to marry. Often Black men are close minded. Some say they can’t find the “right” woman. Plus Black men feel they have more options. Perhaps they feed into the media perception that a good Black man is hard to find, and therefore they are the prize.  Whatever the reason, the wisest thing Black women and any woman can do is to prepare herself for the life she wants. 

Start preparing today for the life you want..... Want to be a wife? Perfect your cooking skills and your money managing skills so you can manage the finances of a family. Practice living a life of integrity, sexual discipline and high self-value. You can’t say you want to be a wife and party seven days a week. See yourself today as the wife and mother you want to be.  Make a deeper commitment to yourself. 

Regardless of the negative perceptions of Black women, it’s up to you to build the image and life you want. You can’t control what others think. You can only control who you are. Just because we’re not valued as a whole, doesn't mean you can’t be valued individually. That value starts with you.